Maybe, Just Maybe

I was reminded today to ask what is possible instead of drawing conclusions and getting stuck on what I think is not possible. This question of possibility is directed at me, yet it is not rhetorical. It is directed at the still part of me, that inner sense of knowing, that keeps me looking to be the best that I can be.

Impossibility is a huge road block I throw up to stop myself  dead and if I allow myself to be stopped long enough I really get to whining about how impossible everything is. All of this whining leads me to start looking for that crystal ball that will show me how some future me gets around all these road blocks.  The real truth is that there is nothing to get around except perhaps my limiting, controlling thoughts about where I think I am.

All of this internal realizing does not get me closer to any answers in this moment. It perhaps is getting me closer to something that is down the road, yet I cannot see it and this brings me to the road block of safety. I need a guarantee of safety before I will trust that there are possibilities. I need to hold on to this piece of control before I will allow myself to believe differently. And this brings me back around to that circle that has me continually beating myself up.

What if just this once I possibly, just maybe might believe, that there is something else; some other option that I have not thought of. And what if maybe, possibly, I just let all of this go. What if I flipped open my computer and just started to write about nothing. And what if a bit later I decided to go to bed and really sleep. Maybe, just maybe, I might wake up tomorrow and there really would be more possibilities.