Finding Your Purpose

I recently visited a friend I had not seen in a long time. We got to talking about what we want to authentically do with our lives. Not what you think or suspect you want to do but what is in your heart of hearts and shines like a beacon in your life when you discover it. It is that vision that you have that when you talk about it, it resonates in your heart and the words that you speak land as truth without any doubt.

I have been thinking about this and about my own “truth”. What I have discovered is that no matter what it is that I hold in my heart if I do not believe it myself then I will not be able to talk about it and have it sound like the truth. It seems that the only person that I can really fool is me. Everyone else can see the truth in my words. It is as if I were playing hide and seek with myself and I am standing behind a very thin pole. I think I am hiding yet I am visible to all. Most people are too polite to say that they see you. They just stand aloof waiting for you to see yourself.

So what I am realizing is that my “truth” can be most anything as long as I believe it myself. I also know that it will change as I grow and learn. And the only time that I will falter is when I don’t believe myself and don’t believe in what I am doing. The world and all the possibilities are too numerous for me to be assigned one task in life. It is my hope and belief that the universe is bigger than that. The one thing that I do know is that I am the only one that I really need to satisfy and believe in. As long as that one piece is missing from my life I will always be looking for something to make my life have purpose. My life already has purpose. And this is the one and only Truth.

Today

I have been wondering if the world has gone just a little crazy. Have you noticed it too? There seems to be a lot of energy moving around and it seems to be doing it very randomly. I have to remember to center and ground myself frequently each day. I am also reminding myself to open to the light. I am still finding that there are a lot of past memories that seem to be clearing out very rapidly if I let them.

We have just passed the full moon. I have reread my soul astrology posting for this month. It is a great reminder to take care of myself and to just allow life to wash over me. I am discovering that the source of Light and the healing waters of Life do flow from within me heart center. I am taking each day as it flows.

Moving Forward Without Expectation

I have been noticing that it is my anticipation of an outcome that keeps me from moving forward. Questions that come up seem to need answers before I can begin. What will I give up? Will I enjoy it? Will I be successful? Will I fail? These are the things that need answers that stop me from moving forward. I actually can spend a fair amount of energy trying to get the answers. However if I look at the questions they are not really important to the task at hand. Their only purpose seems to be to hold me firmly in one spot unable to move.

So I have to ask myself how this questioning process gained so much power over my actions. Does it really keep me safe? Does it keep me from getting emotionally hurt? Perhaps in some situations it does. Yet it seems to me that safety and hurt are part of the randomness of life. There really is no way of protecting yourself from these events. Your only hope is to minimize the damage. And what about disappointment; does playing it safe accumulate more disappointment? I guess only if you look back on all the things that you might have done.

The one thing that I do know is that if I take a chance on my ideas and ignore the potential for failure I am amazed at how often I succeed. And yes some of my ideas are seemingly crazy ones. Yet it makes me happy to try them out on the world. So why would I ever let all those questions get in my way. Yet day after day I do. As I sit here this morning I am wrestling with ideas that I am keeping hidden inside. Will this be the day that I let go of those questions and move forward into those ideas?

Working in the Garden

Sometimes there is nothing else you can do except work in the garden; perhaps pulling a few weeds or maybe really digging in to clear away to create a new space. I find that when I need to spend time away from my thoughts working in the garden is the perfect thing to do. I do not dwell on my thoughts as I work the ground. I allow the smells of the soil to fill me; the dirt getting into my shoes and hands. I listen as the wind makes its way carefully through the trees and tall grass. A bird flies past; I do not see it yet I hear its call and feel the sounds of its wings as they touch my ears. Every thought melts away as I continue to work the soil and I allow nothing else to exist; just one moment, one earth, and one me.

Painting My Face with Permanent Ink

I was reading a local conservation newspaper and noticed a photograph of two children. The caption indicated that they had used the log book stamp pad to paint their faces. I immediately wondered if it was a washable or permanent ink stamp pad. They had done a wonderful job painting their faces and seemed very proud of their work. I realized that they had not given a thought to whether the ink would come off. In that moment I was amazed at the carefree recklessness of youth.

As I have gotten older I play it so safely. I rarely step into that childlike innocence that allows me to paint my face with permanent ink. There seems to be too much at risk; too much important “adult” work to do. I would get stares (more than normal) as I walked around with my hand painted face. I have to wonder what I have lost. What have we all lost as we have year after year given up the ability to face the world as carefree children? Are our burdens really that heavy that we have to take on all that responsibility and be respectable? Would it be okay to show up at work on Monday after a fun weekend with your face painted with permanent ink? Or would we just be looked at as a deranged person with people staring in alarming ways.

I am not ready to give up all of my adult sensibility, yet I am wondering why this situation never comes up. What would be the cost if I painted my face the next time I was painting the wall. What would happen if I drew a mustache on my face with my favorite pen at a long dull meeting? Would I be looked at as a fool? Would I be seen as crazy (perhaps crazier)? I wonder what would be the harm to have that much fun; giving up all of my concerns in the moment just to have a laugh without a care in the world.

Noticing the Journey

I was walking the dogs yesterday in the pouring rain and I realized that I was lost in the chatter of my mind. I become aware of this as I watched the dogs climbing the rocky trail. They appeared to be just focused on the journey. I realized that I was walking with only part of my mind on the journey. I am not sure what I was thinking about, yet I knew that many, many thoughts where wandering through my head. The realization brought me back to the moment. I realized how much of my time is spent lost in thought that I am really not aware of. It is not the thinking that bothers me. It is what I am missing that bothers me. How many times have I passed by the same tree without ever seeing it? What sound have I missed hearing? I have missed the color and shape of my journey. It is the small details of life that give me the most comfort and remind me just how miraculous life is. Even the constant rain that we are having is creating beautiful waterfalls, roaring streams, and a lot of movement of the wild life around me. It makes me feel wonderfully alive. The thing that I am most thankful for is that it is never too late to stop what I am doing and just start noticing what is going on around me.

Getting Ready for Winter

I have been watching the price of oil and wood pellets lately so that I would know when to buy pellets. I have to admit that I have made up a chart that tells me when the pellet price and the equivalent oil price are equal. My years and years as an engineer compel me to make charts and graphs for no apparent reason. We bought pellets last week and all ten pallets arrived this morning. This is 500 bags of wood pellets. I feel happy that our fuel for the winter has been taken care of. I will be spending the next few weeks moving the bags out of the drive way and stashing them in the garage and back porch. I will then spend all winter moving them around some more as I feed the furnace. It is a lot of work, yet it gets me out and around in the winter. And that always is a good thing.